PDF Download , by Betty Hafner
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, by Betty Hafner
PDF Download , by Betty Hafner
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Product details
File Size: 783 KB
Print Length: 241 pages
Publisher: She Writes Press (October 11, 2016)
Publication Date: October 11, 2016
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B01LYTK834
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#24,710 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
This outstanding book shows the complexity of a violent marriage from the inside. It's worth reading by anyone who works with women in abusive relationships, any woman who wonders why she's putting up with being hurt, or any woman who still feels guilty that she left. The book is especially valuable because it shows the internal world of a well educated, middle class woman who does not fit the stereotype of the domestic violence "victim." Hafner masterfully depicts the slow descent and the dismantling of confidence that makes the ongoing and ever-increasing abuse possible. This book should be on the shelf of every shelter.
I enjoyed reading this poignant and courageous memoir of a bright, sensitive young woman who literally stumbled down the stairs into a bad marriage. Betty delicately juxtaposes her feelings of sadness, disappointment, and despair with a persistent expression of hope and emerging self-confidence. In that sense hers is a story about the challenge of maintaining one's dignity and self-worth in the face of unrelenting negativity and violence. Although Betty's story ends well, it is apparent just how easily it could have ended tragically, as have similar tales of other women. I particularly like the way Betty captured the flavor of life in the late 1960's and early 1970's, which brought back many memories. Although those were different times in many ways, one thing has not changed: some men still treat women horribly. Read the book to learn how that feels and how to survive.
From the beginning, Not Exactly Love is the page turner well-seasoned novelists aspire to. And yet, the stakes are so much greater. Betty Hafner shares decades old memories that many struggle with today, and does so honestly, intimately, with dignity and encouragement. If their connection wasn’t exactly love, Hafner manages to give weight to the positive as well as the negative interactions of an abusive relationship, and does so with intelligence, courage and, yes, love. This is a should read for every woman suffering spousal abuse, and every single looking for Mr. Right.
Truth is always better than fiction - and so is this memoir about the complexity of being in a relationship that is simultaneously fun and enjoyable - and devastatingly abusive and frightening. Without psychoanalyzing every situation and resorting to easy "pop culture" statements - Betty describes the feelings, confusion, disbelief that comes when a relationship isn't what you thought it would be. She has the courage to lay bare her own foibles so that there is no feeling of heavy-handedness. The benefit of therapy is evident as she examines her own upbringing as well as her husband's and how that plays into how both act out their lives, and to how she can construct a more promising future for herself. And at the end she also reinforces the need we all have for supportive and caring friends to help us through the toughest of times. All young women should read this!
Not Exactly Love is a gripping and painfully honest portrayal of an intelligent, sensitive young woman in the late 60s, early 70s whose desire to find a meaningful, committed relationship leads her to fall in love with a charismatic, handsome Hippie-like young man. Despite the blatant red flags, she marries him and eventually realizes she is in the grips of an abusive relationship.Hafner writes beautifully, slowly revealing the complex dynamics of the cycle of abuse. With raw, unflinching detail, she unveils the mystery of why she stays despite the abuse, a question that plagues many who observe abuse in others. As a reader, I connected to her through her willingness to share her vulnerabilities and flaws. She also portrays her husband, Jack, in a multidimensional way, showing his sensitive side and exploring his own background of abuse as well as his volatile, abusive side.Her vivid scenic details brought me into her story and kept me riveted until the end. The abuse scenes are hard to read but clearly show the depth of trauma inflicted.Hafner musters the courage to leave, taking the reader on her journey to a better life. She has broken the silence and offered a story of hope and redemption for those who are in abusive relationships.This memoir is both a courageous portrayal of a woman in an abusive relationship and a guide for taking back one’s freedom.I highly recommend this memoir for anyone who has or is experiencing abuse and for those who serve the abused population.
An engrossing read written by a woman in an abusive relationship in the early 1970s on the east coast of the USA. As a the reader, you know that she survived and that she will eventually leave him. The only mystery is how much she will take before realizing that her survival depends upon her flight. The signs of his violence manifest themselves before the wedding, but Betty, in typical fashion, excuses them away as isolated incidents and convinces herself that she can change him. There are long stretches of good times for them. The abuse would flash out of nowhere, much like a sudden rainstorm, then dissipate quickly with a curt apology, and sometimes no acknowledgement that anything had occurred. The bruises on her body said otherwise. What came into sharp focus for me was the fact that Betty was the epitome of a modern 1970s woman with a job, her own bank account, advanced degrees and outside hobbies. On the face of it, she didn't seem like the type to get knocked around and remain silent. As well, even though women were experiencing a more liberated lifestyle, I was struck by how many people that surrounded Betty from friends, relatives, neighbors, the police, emergency room personnel were willing to look the other way when it was pretty clear that she was being abused in the home. She made her bed and was expected to lie in it.
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